the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
