Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
