maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
