I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
