dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
