Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
