we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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