I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
