If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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