The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
