Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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