i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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