Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
