the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
