They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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