I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
