at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
