I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
