I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I had to cum in my sink.
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