In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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