Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
