I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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