why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Randomize
