my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
