I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
