I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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