Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
