i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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