just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
