this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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