His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
