Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
