I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
