sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
