Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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