Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
