oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
