Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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