he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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