How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
