So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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