i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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