what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
