Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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