Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
