I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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