Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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