so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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