Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
