Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
