Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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