I think I won the penis lottery.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
