i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
