Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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