Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
