i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
