My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I need a burrito and a hug.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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