So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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