Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
