Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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