You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
