We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
