i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
