i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
