Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
