youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
