we have pet lesbian snakes
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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