I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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