I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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