But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
its not stalking. its research.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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