I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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