having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
