Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
