I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
