All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she pinky promised me she was 18
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
