Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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