last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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