I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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