Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
