just come out here and I will go home with you...
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
