His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
