the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize