peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
