Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
