What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
