Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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