i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
