I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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