He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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