did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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