??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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