if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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