can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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