Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
