i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
