I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
