I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize