he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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