a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
