how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
