Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
where are my eyebrows?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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