you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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