you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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